Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Spiritual Resume Reviewed

Yesterday my partner Betsy asked me what my most significant spiritual transformation had been to date.  It was not hard to pick since it was last year when I had my severe panic attack.  For almost a year I talked about the attack in terms of a problem instead of a solution.  I now know that the break down was a solution to an ongoing problem that could only be addressed when I was forced to come to nearly a complete stop in my life.  Fortunately I had enough support around me to allow me to work through the transition without having to rely heavily on modifying drugs and now feel myself on a good path to understanding the deeper lessons that will allow me to enjoy a new equilibrium, one that will be more enduring than my previous one. 

As I thought more about her question, I began to think back to other times in my life when a significant spiritual event, or turn, occurred in my life.  There have been many and some, actually quite a few, were accomplished in a fairly quiet way that only I would really fully understand even if others had been around when they happened.  In other words, the reality show that could be made of my spiritual transformations would be pretty boring from a viewers standpoint -- a dream when I was sixteen, the move from Massachusetts to North Carolina, learning to lucid dream, and so on.  Outwardly not much happened while inwardly a hurricane swept through.

As an astrologer I have become more and more fascinated with the timing of events and the cycle of energy.  As an example, my Jupiter is in Leo in my 10th House and around the time of my first Jupiter return (at 12), I remember a very significant event in grade school, one I look back on as a deeply transforming moment.  By 10 I was showing academic promise to be among the gifted and talented, which meant being tracked and treated a certain way.  My tracking was pretty well established in English and the Social Sciences, but my Math placement was not yet done.  At eleven, when my Jupiter would have been transiting my 9th House of education I was placed in a GT math class for 2 weeks.  At the end of that 2 weeks I was in class when we were working on problems on the board in front of the class.  I was called to work a problem and somehow, even then, I knew that the correct or incorrect answer would pivot my destiny in a particular way, either back to the next lowest math class or into the highest level math class.  I got the answer right and moved into the higher class.

Now what's interesting about being tracked into GT is that once in, it's actually rather hard to get kicked out.  The teachers do more to help you as they see you as a gifted and talented student.  The also forgive more; you have available to you more "bad days" and more understanding.  And you have access to better teachers, assignments, and materials.  You enter and elitist world and, yes, first class is better ... not on all levels, but on many that count.  My second Jupiter return occurred at 24, the year I entered my PhD program, and my third, at 36, occurred when I made the decision to become a father and planned to leave my career at UNC.  It is very helpful to review one's life resume and see the key dates and how the astrology matches up.  Once you see the patterns you can begin to look forward and see how energy will play in your future and how best to anticipate it.

If you have not done a life resume, I highly recommend creating one.  The exercise alone can be personally revealing.  And you don't always have to look for obvious outward examples, like a move or quitting a job, though those may be of importance.  Many internal decisions represent spiritual opportunities for growth or spiritual misses that inhibit growth (say not leaving a relationship when you should or avoiding consequences by lying).  Even when we are similar to others in many and profound ways, we still unfold a unique destiny.  What has been your unique destiny so far?  What boats did you get on for new adventure?  What boats did your avoid, and therefore missed an important journey?  Who did you let in your life and why?  Have you allowed them to overstay their welcome or are you trying to hold onto someone who should be let go?  How have winded through your personal path?

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