Tarot Meditation Card for the Day - Osho Zen Tarot - Breakthrough XI

"To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master." (25)

This card has a powerful meaning for me today and reading the description has been especially profound.  "It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously.  It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.  It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed."  Boy how I have been feeling for this card ... feeling around as if I have been trapped in a darkness and unable to find any kind of purchase that would allow me to escape.  I can only have faith that my wandering around and groping is actually progress in some, as yet, unknown way.  I am hopeful that drawing this card is my soul's way of sharing the possibility that a breakthrough is, in fact, happening from my breakdown.

The description goes on to say, "your chaos is very ancient -- for many, many lives you have been in chaos.  It is thick and dense.  It is almost a universe in itself.  So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger.  But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible."

"Zen, or meditation, is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert."  Today I woke very early and stretched on the floor beside my bed.  After taking my daughter to school, I went to the park and practiced my Qi Gong and Tai Chi and felt my practice deeply, felt the energy move from earth to sky and back again.  Recently I have talked to my partner, Betsy, about losing faith ... losing my way.  I want to find a way again, but I don't know what that way is ... and I think right now, I'm not supposed to have a way ... such is the lesson of the breakdown.  But deep in my soul I do not think I am supposed to stay broken or broken down.  I am trying to be Patient (my previous draw).  I am trying to listen and still keep persevering.  This card was a good draw today.