In her book Liquid Light of Sex: Kundalini, Astrology, and the Key Life Transitions, Barbara Hand Clow (Paperback - Sept. 1, 2001) provides one of the most lucid explanations of the Uranus Opposition. Generally she says that men will experience the opening of their Heart Chakra and women will experience an opening of their Throat Chakra. This opening is delivered with Uranian explosiveness as the body is literally rewired with electrical energy. Men should not be surprised if, during the Uranus opposition, they experience symptoms akin to a heart attack or anxiety centered in the chest; I experienced both and still continue to experience anxiety in my chest. Clow's book is one of several that helped me come to grips with a process that sent me to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack (in September of last year) and, a week later, one night, had me on the floor of my bathroom shaking as if I was having an epileptic seizure. Thankfully my partner and our good friend Rhonda, a Shaman, were there to help me through. A Uranus opposition is not a time to be without support, especially since it normally lasts over 2 years and the exact opposition occurs 3 times (1 direct, then 1 retrograde, and 1 more direct).
The process is not gentle and trusting it is difficult. I wanted a medical problem and solution; there is a world of action at the ready for a heart attack and solutions are often very finite and clear. But this process involves the mind shocking the body. And while traveling the road of traditional medicine I found, through my doctor, that stress and anxiety can simulate all the symptoms of many different illnesses. The Uranus Opposition is the equivalent of a mind/soul reboot, with the hard drive literally getting shut down and restarted throughout the process. Clow, honestly, chastises us for being so ignorant of this process, one which will happen to every living human being that makes it to the age of 43. Mid-life crisis is the Uranus Opposition and its behavior can scare the hell out of you. It certainly did me, at first.
Here's the kicker, and this point is true of all significant transit processes, knowing the cause does not eliminate the hard work or the necessary pain/anxiety/transformation that defines the transition. As it turns out we also have many actions at the ready for powerful mind shifts, including psychology (talk therapy) and psychiatry (talk and drug therapy). Fortunately, and with wise guidance from a good friend, I was directed to a psychologist very comfortable with spiritual language. I needed to explore my narrative with Astrology, past lives, and other spiritual ideas as part of the process. I did even partake of pharmaceutical solutions in the moments of extreme anxiety and considered a general program as a possible aid through my transition. Ultimately, and so far, I have chosen to try to weather this cosmic storm with all the resources short of medications, and the most powerful aids I have found are my family and friends.
For the first time in a long time, probably since I was even a teen, I was not the person being called upon to help someone in need, but the person in need. I had to surrender to help. I'm still learning to surrender if the truth be told. For me, at least, I realized the drugs provided a bridge when human support was not available; the times I was alone with my daughter and felt waves of panic seize me as I worried about her fate if something happened to me during the day. This world is not the same as my childhood, when I used to travel from house to house with my friends, coming and going in and out of homes in the community with neighbors in near constant contact throughout the days and nights. We live so isolated now and my Heart Charka was feeling that isolation with great dread and anguish. I realized and felt deep fear around the fact that I could blackout early in the day and she would not be "found" for an entire day (until Betsy came home from work). No neighbor would stop by, no one would phone regularly just to say hello. A deep part of me felt the inhumanity and recklessness of the situation and that drove me into a state of panic.
How do you correct that problem? How do you fix isolation? Not with a medication, of course. Not long after the initial panic attack, almost 1 year ago exactly, Betsy and I began to explore intentional communities. We even visited an emerging one in Hickory Nut Valley near Asheville and talked with the founder of another one at Black Mountain. We were prepared to sell the house and make a radical change that would put us deeper into community on purpose. We were profoundly open to changing our family dynamic and the universe did not disappoint. As it turned out, instead of selling our home and moving into an intentional community, a dear friend and her three daughters moved in with us. Circumstances created a situation of tremendous mutual benefit for her family and ours. Now we are a family of six (the eldest daughter started college 8/14) and receiving the benefits of a three adult and three child community (5, 5, 10). The pressure of being primary care taker and play mate during a time of tremendous transition has lessened enough to allow me to fully experience the process of this transit.
The anxiety in the center of my chest is still present, teaching me and I am trying to do a solemn job of listening. At the suggestion of my Shaman/Psychologist, I am learning to go into the anxiety instead of fighting it. I have the human support to trust that my daughter will be safe and I have the time to be in my crisis and learn its lesson. No small feat in a society hell bent on being hell bent all the time. Truly, I have attained a new thankfulness for my life, the strength and good health of my body, the laughter and tears of children, and my own laughter and tears (there was a long stretch where I did not have a smile inside or out and laughter had become foreign). In terms of the process of Uranus' transit over itself, I know I am on the last leg of the journey, the final direct pass will occur in October (10/10/10 to be exact). I have to trust the process because there is still a fair amount out in front of me.
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