Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Happily Spiritual Journey

I have many posts I want to write, including several book recommendations.  But first, I just want to write about my trip to visit my grandfather (Papa).  The trip was very special and important for me; I really needed some time away and I have not spent time with him for a while (too long to recount without some internal shame actually).  I left Friday morning after I took the girls to school.  The day before I'd taken my truck in for inspection and service, opting to get several recommended upgrades in preparation for my drive (a little under 150 miles) from Cary to Ronda (just outside of Wilkesboro).  I was not in a rush to get up there, so I planned to drive at a leisurely pace (just at or under the speed limit), stop somewhere along the way for lunch, and visit the old trailer park where he and Nana (my mom's parents) and my Grandmother (my father's mother) had lived.  Nana and Grandmother have long since passed, but Papa is still going strong at 91 (b. 1919).  Every time he trades in for a new car (usually after 2 years) he racks up about 80,000 miles (he used to drive trucks for a living).

He lives in a very nice double wide trailer on a piece of land that was in Nana's family, surrounded by other family members across the road and on one side of him.  I did not fully realize the spiritual nature of the land until this visit; I don't think I could "hear" the land until this time in my life.  The drive up was quite pleasant even though it was the last hot day (over 90) before the cold front arrived on Sat.  I drove straight through Burlington, Greensboro, and Winston-Salem until I got to Clemmons.  The Clemmons exit was the one we used to take when we would visit them in the trailer park.  I stopped there to eat and see if the trailer park was still around.  The change at the exit was grand, a mini shopping center had been built and the old road leading back to the trailer park had been diverted to the end of the shopping center.  I ate at my first Zaxzby's, a standard chicken and fries place and unwound a bit from the drive.

When I left I went down the old road and found the familiar brick house that marked the turn into the trailer park, Chardale Drive.  The road went up a slight hill on the other side of the house and a flood of memories began to cascade into my mind as I came over the crest to find the trailer park still there and, basically, frozen in time.  The first trailer, which was the one where Grandmother lived, looked exactly like hers from 30 years ago.  I was stunned how much emotion swept into me as pulled into the main drive and started passing all the trailers.  Nana and Papa lived in two trailers, one on the main road and one down the hill in a cul-de-sac.  I swear the one I passed on the main road was the same one I'd played in as a child; even the concrete parking pad had the same chipped out sections!  I drove to the turn that would take me down the hill to the first trailer they had lived in and this one was obviously not the original, but the lay out of the park, the spacing of the trailers, everything else was the same.  Yes, you could see the time stamp in the decks that need replacing and the central air units (instead of only window units).  Time had passed and stood still.  I wept as I left; tears of joy actually, just so many good memories there.

The rest of the drive did not take long and I actually arrived a bit early.  Papa was not back and I was locked out, which was not a problem because his home has a breezeway between the garage and main trailer.  Even though it was hot, it was not humid, and I'm very heat tolerant, so it felt great to sit down on the outdoor sofa and just relax.  The breeze was blowing through and I could feel how special this visit was going to be for me; how important it was for me to be up here, in this place, at this time.  After about 30 minutes Papa arrived and our visit began. 

I really only had simple intentions for my visit, talk, eat, read, watch TV, sleep.  Fortunately these are all things Papa enjoys doing as well.  We quickly settled into his routine, beginning with a Cary Grant movie, followed by a Alan Ladd/Veronica Lake movie, then off to Subway for some dinner.  After dinner we watched another Alan Ladd movie and got ready for bed.  I have to share a funny observation about the classic black and white movies I watched; everyone in almost every scene was either smoking or drinking or both.  If we think advertising in movies now is blatant, it was starkly clear which companies were helping to bankroll the movies of the 30's and 40's.  Three of the male characters in The Blue Dahlia had a drink routine, "give me a bourbon with a bourbon chaser."

Saturday started off fantastic; I stepped out onto the porch as the sun was just starting to rise (6:00AM) and I could see my breath!  I am ready for the fall; more so this year than in years past.  I feel more in touch with the seasons and am ready for some less humid weather.  Papa is an early riser as well and he was up soon after me.  We got dressed and he took me to a small country restaurant and we had biscuits and gravy, eggs, and bacon.  He had his usual black coffee and I had the best sweet tea I've had in a long time.  We both reminisced about Nana's biscuits and gravy, they were the best, and made with lots of love.  All in all, already, I was feeling my blessings.  My grandparents loved me deeply and I could feel all that love filling my heart on this visit.

After the breakfast we headed back to his home; he watch a little TV while I sat on the breezeway, read, and soaked in the beautiful morning.  Around 10 he suggested we go up to the North Wilkesboro speedway and watch the races.  The speedway had been a hub of activity until it was closed in 1996 due to a dispute between the two owners.  This past Labor Day weekend was the inaugural re-opening of the track and featured 4 races.  Time trials started at 11AM so we headed up there around 10:30.  I've watched some racing with Papa in the past on television, but I had never been to a live race.  After we arrived and got out of the car, the first thing to hit me was the noise of the race car engines.  And it hit me hard.  I have very sensitive hearing and did not realize the amount of sound the cars would put out.  Imagine movie theater loud over 2 football stadiums from the source!  In the end my desire to share this experience with Papa was greater than my desire to get as far from the noise as I could.  Eventually I found a rhythm with the noise and was able to enjoy the time trials and 3 of the 4 races (the last one was 200 laps and would go past dinner time).

There were many important spiritual lessons in my time at the race track and the most important one aligned with a book I began reading Friday night after I got to Papa's.  The book was Wismatic by Pam Yount, a North Carolinian writing about Wisdom as she learned it from her son's death (at 27) from AIDS.  I will be writing a full review of the book in another post, but suffice to say, her message was, rather pointedly, to say that we are all on our spiritual journeys alone, and another person's journey in this life is a spiritual contract they made with creation and we should not judge unless we intend to INTERVENE.  I can admit to more than a few judgments regarding "the country", "race car fans", and "southern behaviors" over the course of my life.  But on that day, at the track, I chose not to judge, but to appreciate everyone and the experience of watching and being part of the race environment.  I let myself feel the excitement everyone had about the reopening of the track and could see its importance for the community.  I could feel human history in the gathering of these people for an event and how much that gathering meant.  It was wonderful.

After the race we went to another small restaurant that served meat and vegetables (and sweet tea of course) and talked about the race.  Papa always has been and still is a lucid thinker and very good conversationalist, and he is also comfortable with silence.  There is no strain in our time together.  After dinner we went back and he watched some more TV while I did some more reading.  Eventually I stepped outside to walk the land a bit and eat some blueberries of his blueberry bushes.  They were ripe and delicious.  While in this moment I recognized how amazing this area of North Carolina really is.  The entire area is made up of small and large farms; there is a healthy local economy and I had no doubt that the food I ate both restaurants was grown locally.  Lately my body has been very reactive to food and I have switch to an almost solely organic diet.  I knew I would not find much "organic" store food so I told my body I would be eating the food of the area and to appreciate it.  Had I eaten what I did eat here, in Cary, I would have been miserable in a day.  Again, I chose to accept and appreciate and all was well.

My original plan was to return some time Sunday, but I wanted to stay another full day and return on Monday morning, so I decided to stay one more day.  Sunday really turned out to be my day to fully digest all that I had experienced so far and I was deeply, soul level grateful for my visit and my time with Papa.   Again, we were both up early and had found our routine.  He would watch some TV while I did some reading.  Eventually I would join him, to find him watching his favorite, a western.  Since it was Sunday, he planned to go to church and this time I decided to stay at the house.  I wanted to commune with the land more, which I did.  In that time I asked my soul about the land and its purpose in my life and found that it was and is to be a place of sanctuary for me, a place to retreat and recharge.  This awareness and knowledge was the tremendous gift of my trip.  The rest of the day was a glorious time of all the things I came to do and when I left Monday morning I felt full up and truly happy.

I wanted to share this story, this time to convey how much each of us needs a place of sanctuary.  I hope you all have such a place and the ability to access it from time to time.  I know I will be returning soon to visit my grandfather and many times over in my future to visit the land and let it help heal me.

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